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How much is too much?
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1 Posts
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June 25, 2017 - 8:20 pm

When in a relationship, a romantic one, how much information is too much? Is it ok to tell that person everything? How do you set boundaries after you've started without them?

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September 8, 2017 - 12:00 am

It's great if you and your guy are best friends and are attached at the hip but don't confuse a best friend with a girlfriend. If the new guy at work has the hots for you, tell your girlfriend. if he is making you uncomfortable or if you're seriously thinking about hooking up with him, tell your best friend. Also, it's NEVER too late to set boundaries. You can even start to scale back without having a formal conversation. The next time he brings up a sensitive subject, state your hesitation to go into detail and politely request to be the one next time to bring up the topic once when you are ready to discuss. You might not be able to take back what you have already divulged but your partner can respect that for the time being you need some mental space.

One thing to add too is that If you are just starting out, be careful of the negative things you tell him about your family and friends. He will form his opinions based on what you tell him and those opinions will be hard to undo.

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Joelle
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August 17, 2017 - 8:46 am

But don't things get a little complicated about the best friend/romantic partner boundary when it comes to something like the coworker scenario?
If there is another potential love interest or someone hoping to be a love interest, keeping this info from your current partner inadvertently creates intimacy with the new person - now you have something just between the two of you.
I've always used the rule of thumb that secrecy is a sign of shame or guilt. So if I'm not telling a partner about someone that's a red flag about my own feelings towards that situation... have I just been oversharing??

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August 20, 2017 - 11:00 pm

I once heard that you shouldn't tell or ask of your partner anything that he
can't do or deal with without ease. Therefore, that would mean that you need girl
friends to speak or talk to about the things that are not easy and then after they
are diffused you may share what is now easy for you with him. However, that would
mean that you would live a life without really ever needing a partner for the hard things
so why share even the easy?

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September 8, 2017 - 12:06 am

Hmmm..I haven't heard that one! If it's a difficult topic like infidelity or a poor financial decision etc. then I could understand seeking a 3rd party to help facilitate communication between you and your partner. I'm all for selecting a mediator like a mutual friend or a counselor if you can't do it on your own. And that's a good point you make about not needing to share the easy if you can't share the hard. I would like to think that the beauty of a marriage is that you have that one person where you can share the good, bad, and the ugly. My idea of family is that your home should always a safe place to fall.

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