Moral of the story: Don\’t pass out cookies until they\’re fully baked.
I am so passionate about topics like this because I’m an advocate for women who unabashedly speak their minds but somehow many of us still feel the need to ask permission to be OURSELVES. Let me begin with saying that it doesn’t matter how many times and with how many people you have had sex with – it’s your body, your mind, your spirit, and your emotions and you get to decide when and who gets to go in and out of each of those parts of you. Period.
If you hook up with someone today and change your mind about it tomorrow, you have every right to do so, but I have to emphasize that I believe honesty, integrity, and a certain level of vulnerability is important in any relationship and if you don’t want someone to play games with you or mislead you then it starts with the woman in the mirror. Even if you don’t provide a lengthy explanation, it’s never okay to go ghost because you wouldn’t want someone to do that to you. Whatever your reasons are for hitting “pause” – fear of attachment, don’t want to move too fast, found Christ – you must maintain a baseline of decency and mutual respect so no you can’t just text him. If you want him to be a decent man and understand then you have to be a big girl and pick up the phone or take him to lunch and give a good brother some insight. You don’t want to make someone feel that you are using sex as a means of control or manipulation so it’s a must that you communicate and communicate with humility.
Of course it’s never guaranteed that you will get the response you are hoping for – “I understand you want to take it slow, no problem at all, so what you doing this weekend?” – but honesty is always the best policy and even if he goes ghost on you, you still did the right thing. On the other hand, how often are you having sex with someone before you’re ready??
If it becomes a pattern then you have to be self-reflective and consider the reasons why you keep jumping the gun. Sex is a mutual act and it’s not fair to others to “take it there” and then take it back again and again. As I mentioned above you have every right to do what is best for you but remember it takes two to tango and it needs to be mutual, not just on your terms, so you need to be fair to yourself and the other person and let them know you aren’t ready before it goes down. Trust me when I tell you that any decent guy would rather wait for the cookies than be in a situation where you’ve taken the cookies back.
Just don’t be surprised if he no longer wants to Netflix and chill without the chill.
C’est la vie.
Photo Credit: askmen.com